UPA (Utanian Press Agency)
Release: September 12, 300 AP.

Utania celebrates medal success

Utania is celebrating its success in winning two medals of 90 in the Brolecia 300 Vexgames. Utania is placed tenth of 24 competing nations, winning a gold medal for Katrina Asperoft's performance in the Women's Heptathlon, and a silver for Arama Atoha's efforts in the 110m hurdles.

However, it is Guwimith's success that has a few disappointed grumbles slipping out. Guwimith won four gold medals, to the surprise of many Utanians. Utania was, until recently, a dependency of the former Tsarist state, but is now an independent protectorate of Whitlam. The nationalist "Vela Luka Legacy" newspaper editorial slammed Utania's former overlords for their medal success: "To be sure, Utania's former oppressors have won their victory on the strength of their state-sponsored training regimens, which were paid for by the sweat, tears and blood of Utanian patriots. Look proudly, Utania, for we are responsible for their victory!"

The newspaper also questioned the legitimacy of Asperoft's place in the Utanian team, questioning her heritage. Asperoft is of Guwimithian ancestry, but her family has living in Utania since the 20's.

While Vexgames organisers have yet to comment, but Utanian Vexgame management were scathing in their reply. "It is unacceptable to have a bitter and twisted spoilsport putting to shame the efforts of dozens of Utanian atheletes overseas, trying to hold their heads high as a new-born nation, while some imbeciles back home parade their stupidity and rampant racism. The games are about bringing peoples together in sporting endeavour, and the day we, the Utanian Vexgames Management, allow our team to be dictated to by idiots back home, will be the day hell freezes over!" said a letter faxed to this news service. "As to the question of Katrina's place in the team: she is as much an Utanian as any Aretesuna or Golyeson, and her dedication to her homeland puts to shame the authors of this slanderous and foolish tripe!"

Many Utanians are ambivalent about the Guwimithian victories. "I say good luck to them. Their atheletes are clearly well-trained and good performers. We're only starting out, and we'll catch up eventually", said Liberal MP Martin Blaney.

It is not yet known whether this will sour relations with Guwimith enough to stop plans for a regional athletics competition.

©UPA, 300 AP.

©Mike Ham, 2000. All rights reserved. No reproduction without, at least, tacit approval. ;-)