UPA (Utanian Press Agency)
Release: September 20, 300 AP.

President tosses coin at Soccer, promises jobs

President Hope is pushing ahead with a punishing final campaign push seven days before poll booths open across the country, and in his first major engagement addressed forty thousand patient and appreciative fans at the final game of the Premier League's ninth game: Utan Krysaror against the Luka-based Richmond Tigers at the Utanian Football Stadium in Utan Krysaror.

President Hope gave an apparently unplanned campaign speech in which he declared that what this election was about was jobs and who can give the people better and more jobs. He said that only a Conservative-lead government could provide jobs for "everyone that wants them". He said that the Conservatives were "dedicated to providing a sound economic structure so that every Utanian can get a job whether they live in Kanhara or Mulgrave, Richmond or Uraja! (a working-class suburb of Utan Krysaror, most of whom would be Team U.K. fans)"

"This will be my promise to all of you now", the President declared.

President Hope then tossed the coin at the beginning of the match, meeting and greeting several of the players from both sides, before it began. The President declared his allegiance mixed, but "if forced" would side with Utan Krysaror on this evening.

President Hope's final charge on the issue of jobs is considered tactical brilliance. "The President clearly knows what is on the heart of people in Utani B'yan, and he will make the promises that will appeal to them", said renowned political-analyst Professor David Kapur. Whether or not it will provide the Conservatives with enough votes to see them win more than the Democrats 22 seats, Professor Kapur was less affirming.

However, the President did get his way with one thing: Utan Krysaror drew one all with Richmond, placing the two teams second and fourth respectively in the Utanian Premier league.

©UPA, 300 AP.

©Mike Ham, 2000. All rights reserved. No reproduction without, at least, tacit approval. ;-)