Zeitgeist Magazine's Utania This Week
November 5th, 301 AP
All is not well above the skies of Utania. The Û745 million Starlight satellite
has failed a series of technical tests that may impair the satellite's communi-
cation bandwidth, announced the company spokesman last week. Technicians are
still testing the satellite, and concede that they do not yet know what impact
this will have, if any, on Starlight's transmissions, December 1st.
President Okarvits this week introduced the newest member of his cabinet. Anita
KANGAAPAULI, the 44 year old former-BWA Undersecretary for Environmental Issues
for Udan-Woo takes up the position of Special Minister for Environmental
Strategy for the President, a position he announced at the Canhoto conference.
A political war-of-words broke during the week after a man trying to stop his
son buying drugs was chased through city streets in downtown Luka by two
machete-armed youths and stabbed, leaving him a paraplegic. The opposition
candidate for Governor claimed it was a clear sign of the failure of Governor
Hope's "liberal" drug policies. The Governor countered saying his opponent was
"trying to sell cheap, simplistic solutions to very difficult issues".
In the latest polls, for the Governor's race in Lasanne, due November 17th,
Governor Hope has lost ground to opponent Rupert McKay, 52% to 41%, a drop of
6% in the Governor's support. McKay only took command of the Peoples Party-
dominated opposition fifteen weeks ago and is seen as a "long shot". His
opposition coalition is set to win seats from the four-party government which
currently holds 54 of the 93 state seats.
The government is planning to introduce its cooperatives legislation to
Parliament next week, but is not expecting a warm reception. The previous
edition of the proposed legislation was laughed out of Parliament, with too
many loopholes. The Attorney General reports that he is now "confident" they
have it all fixed up.
President Kope of Rovens this week conceded that the long-awaited national
election will not be possible on December 1st, due to "simple physical limits"
of completing voter registration before the end of this month. He promised that
it would be held six weeks later, but given that it was Kope who promised to
have an election before the first aniversary of the nation, this enhances the
population's trust of politicians none.
The Lendosan Confederation has banned religion-based parties from participating
in elections. While two local religious parties protested, the government here
was quite adament that there would be no scenes similar to the anti-Armatirion
protests on a similar ban. The Cruistian Democrats asked the President to send
a formal protest, but the President refused: there are no Utanians affected in
the far-away nation. Yes, cynics reply, plus there is some thirty billion in
trade to be protected.
While the Utanian Football Association (UFA) is about to release its summer
schedule for games to introduce eight new teams to the competition, players are
complaining that the heat and humidity of northern cities like Luka will make
playing "unbearable". The UFA has agreed to suspend any matches in northern
cities when the temperature exceeds 30 degrees celcius, but the players are
still not happy, and warn of exhaustion, heatstroke and even deaths. Football
matches are normally suspended over the humid Utanian summer.
Meanwhile, rumours are abounding about a possible LUKA 302 bid for the
Vexgames. The Luka Herald broke the story in their weekend edition, claiming
that Vexgames officials had let the suggestion slip. President Okarvits could
not be drawn on the topic, and his culture minister was similarly tight-lipped.
Governor Hope, however, was genuinely surprised at the possibility. "I have not
been consulted", he remarked, adding that he hoped the same applied to his
election rival Rupert McKay, "Unless the President knows something about this
election that I do not."
He was sacked, but now he is back: former head of the Lendosan Capitalist
Party, Senator Paulo Dias is now forming his own party, probably known as the
Reform Party, a more moderate right-wing party that is "actually interested in
(the peoples') well-being".
In overseas news, from the basket of "Say-Wot?", scientists have successfully
joined the living circuitry of a snail's nervous system to a microchip, opening
the door to a whole host of cybernetic possibilities, such as artificial limbs.
The condition of the snail is unknown, but French Chefs are said to be
The Number One single in Utania at the moment is the psychodelic flashback
"Mutilated Lips" by the Westrian band "Ween", while the top album is Utani
Jennifer Otoma's album "On the 6". Rocketing up the charts -- with a heavy dose
of synchronicity, given recent events in Luka -- is "Last Junkie on Vexillium
(Heroin is so passe)" by the Dandy Warhols.
©Zeitgeist Magazine, 301 AP.
©Mike Ham, 2001. All rights reserved. No reproduction without, at least, tacit approval. ;-)